In order to reconcile he would have to realize what a f@&$ up he is and since that will never happen, I have moved on for the most part. An incident occurred recently of him running his mouth which reminded me of his bigotry and hatefulness. Essentially, the fact that my own dad would disown and hate my children or anyone else I know because they are not heterosexual of have dark skin makes me very angry. My kids are both hetero so far, but they have friends and teachers they look up to who are not. Anyway, he has done plenty of stupid things and often put my mother in bad circumstances and now that he's going to church he thinks he's a saint... He's not, obviously. So anyway, there are some things I don't tolerate well, and he seems to be the epitome of those things.
I sympatize kiddo. I loved your last line about tolerance. Can I tell you how right you are? Those things you don't tolerate well or have anything good to say about? You say your father does not tolerate Bisexual or different skin tones well and has nothing good to say about them. Leaving religion out of the discussion completely we can look at human nature.
Your an educated woman so I'll skip to my point. You can not have your fathers view of the world become a disruption to your family. Kuddo's for handling that situation there.
You have issues with his behavior that causes a seperation of the two of you. Please realize that they are behaviors only. Try to see your father as just that and know you will always love him. Any other behavior on your part makes you a weaker person and you will not be in control. Hatred does one thing. It takes away control and you will not be the wonderful person you are. Instead you become the behavior you despise.
Love your Dad.
Don't tolerate the behavior.
His beliefs are typical of the modern christian and distort the teaching of the bible. To specifically point out something about a person you dislike especially something they cannot control is so wrong. It is so easy to take a bible verse and use it against some one. A christian should worry about their owns short comings and pray for others well bieng. Period.
I was raised on the study of the bible and it speaks nothing of a persons color deciding their fate concerning god's love. Where does it say to build up riches here on earth and go around judging and casting your opinions on others? I'm pretty sure it says to care nothing for riches and cast stones only if you are sinless.
I know you are an atheist but the bible is a great read on human nature. Oh yes I said I would leave out religion in this discussion and I did, The bible is a book of faith in something more than we are. Religion is about a thousand ways created by man to get to heaven.
Hell, we all have friends that have quirks we can't stand but we love them anyway. Of course if they threw their intolerances at us we would find ways to avoid them. But religion gives the follower prmission to do just that. If jesus were here today i would tell him how sorry I was that we twisted his teachings around to try and control and extort money and loyalty from our family of beings.
Show love Missy. And teach your children well.
I don't really have a good response Princess. Not being a good Christian, I can't say why people hide behind the badge of religion to promote bigotry. The church I belong to promotes love thy neighbor. If your Father has indeed a hatred for his own Grandchildren, I would offer that you may be able to help open his eyes. Sounds to me like a psychological defamation of sorts.
Though I am educated and have had a great deal of time to shed the teachings of my Father, you would probably still call me a bigot. My wife says I'm a work in progress. I say I hate everyone. People in general are assholes, and you don't have to go far from your house to see that. And it does not matter what color or sexual orientation they are. Though I don't air my views verbally, the 'Kill em all and let God sort it out' insignia I wore on my cammies is pretty spot on for an over all view of how I feel about the human race. If you can't understand that I suggest a trip to the Middle East. I am about as politically incorrect as they come but I wouldn't disown a Grandchild for any reason.
Maybe as @Forgewright suggested, a tad bit more tolerance on your part may go along way in helping your Father. It works for my Wife and Son. They've taught me how to be a good Father and Husband, but I slip occasionally and am reprimanded as needed.................
I have no love for my dad. I keep that to myself to protect my mother, for whom I have huge love and respect. I appreciate your comments, but this is not a case where love will solve all. Nor do I worry that I will have regrets once he's gone. There's more to this story, and none of it is physical abuse, but its enough for me to know that I don't have to tolerate him just because he's my dad. @Killerelite you have kids, @Forgewright you are a son, relatives are only family if they act like family... I won't share the sad details mostly because I don't need to anymore. All said and done, you guys are a sincere support for me, and it means a lot. It always does. As always, BIG LOVE to my men on Thoughts.
Well kick his ass then. Need help, I'm available. I haven't been to Utah in several years...............
The following users say thank you to Killerelite for this useful post:tlhopkinson
I felt the same way before Pops died. After the passing of a decade can see past my distain and gain an understanding as to the way he was. He was without a father his whole life and was raised by his mother who know nothing of showing love and affection. I do not accept this as an excuse for his being an over bearing tyrant who hid behind the "Gospel" to justify his actions. I just ubderstand now the "why" and "How" of his actions and beliefs. I avoid his examples and feel this makes my a better person.
Like they say, teach by example. Sometimes we are shown how to be a wonderful caring person and sometimes we are shown what happens when we are not. Either way we gain from the experience. I have never shed a tear from his passing and went to his funeral just to make sure he was dead. But that was a younger man and I have been able to work through those issues only after his death.
When I was 6 or seven I knew something was wrong and would run to my room and scream into my pillow from the anguish of mistreatment at the hands of a "Holy man." He was a preacher. My older brothers share your view on how they feel about Pops. I prefer to analyze and fit the peices together to understand the whole of the picture. Of course he is gone and can't piss me off anymore.
I get a joy from gaining a higher understanding of his relationships and upbringing. Delving into what made him who he was. This is just how I am. I love studing the human condition. What makes people tick. Understanding these things allows us to understand the motivations of people actions and deal with them on that basis. I would love to get your Pops in a room for five minutes. I would have him seeking your forgiveness and bawling like a two year old..... or not. Some people are just asshole like killer... I mean like what killer said.
I wish all the best and hope you find peace and joy in your life everyday.
I understand what Trish is saying. My kid is more important to me than anyone on the planet. Sounds like she's exercising her maternal parenting skills to protect her children. I agree with that. Anyone miserable enough to disavow a Grandchild sucks. Loyal Marine that I am puts me to the front of the line to choke some sense into the SOB should the request be made. Squeeze anyone's nuts hard enough and they'll come around....................... I like the line about relatives only being family if they act like family........... true sentiment that.
All the work I put into figuing people out and all that was needed was a good nut squeeze. There sHOULD be a college for that.
KE UNIVERSITY (OH WE KNOW YOU'LL PAY YOUR TUITION.)
The following users say thank you to Forgewright for this useful post:Killerelite
LOL..... That's a patented move to pull on someone before they even know there's a problem............... I've witnessed it first hand.............. works every time..................... My interest in psychology stems from wanting to know what makes me tick........ For the rest of the world, anatomy works best!
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