I know it's really inconvenient
and it might ruin the friendship we've had since kindergarten
but the risk is worth it
I don't care anymore about risks
I just want to take you on dates
and make you happy
because you deserve to be so fucking happy.
because we don't know how long we've got left
until your dad gets custody
or we graduate
or I do something incredibly stupid in a depressive fit in the middle of the night
or something really bad just happens.
We don't have forever and that's scary and I want to know that
if something does happen
I don't have the haunting regret
of never asking you.
I know it'll be hard
I know it's the most inconvenient thing right now
And I know it's the last thing you need.
But it doesn't have to be.
It doesn't have to be
seeing and talking to each other every waking moment
or excessive physical anythings.
We never have to kiss or anything if you don't want to.
I don't think either of us are really interested in that sort of thing anyways.
It doesn't have to be high maintenance.
Just talking when we feel like it
Going out when we feel like it
Just generally seeing each other when it's convenient for the two of us.
Because I don't care anymore
and goddammit I want to be able to tell people that you're my girlfriend
when they ask me who the hell I'm talking about
when I talk about you
and I talk about you a lot.
(And from what you've said to me, you talk about me a lot, too. A win-win situation, see?)
I want to be able to show up at your house
And take you out to a movie
or to a friggin park
and make you happy
while just basking in the fact that
you're willingly here with me.
Because we don't have much time left
before we all go our separate ways
and disappear into adult life.
Because we don't know if after all of this shit,
after high school, college,
if we're ever going to see each other again.
Because the stakes are high
and the time is short
and the idea is so complicated
But I feel so free with you.
And I want to make sure that
you get your freedom, too.
But I want to be selfish
and maybe a little (very) stupid
and almost endearing
and I want to hold onto your heart for a little while.
But in the end
I also want to see to it that I'm there to help open those gates to you
and watch you soar.
Post Script: I never did tell her how I feel. She leaves tomorrow to live with her dad in Tennessee (Two states away from here. We're in Ohio). I don't think I'll get to say goodbye, either. It sucks.
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