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Lock Picks and Rattlesnakes
November 3, 2014
8:15 pm
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I remember falling for you in the way that I'd always thought of
committing suicide
By diving headfirst off of the highest place I could find
And feeling nothing but fear and adrenaline on the way down
Because I didn't mean to want this
I didn't mean to want you
I didn't WANT to want you
I didn't WANT to want ANYONE EVER AGAIN
I was just enjoying the view
Innocent bystander to someone else's tragedy
I didn't mean to lean that last bit forward
I didn't mean to bask in the warm winds of your presence
But Gravity held hands with Love
And pushed me over the edge
And once my heart hit terminal velocity I knew I was fucked.
You had a leather lasso on my heart
You were a true curse from the back of my mind
The angel hymn to my sinning lullaby
You were the line from that song
You know the words
The ones from my second favorite verse
"She broke your throne and she cut your hair"
but no hallelujahs drew their calligraphy
in the ink made of blood
from stuttering tongue to broken teeth
and out through barb-wired lips
And I could braid liquid silk into the follicles of my battered scalp
But nothing would soothe the bites from your marble-carved fingertips.
My friends told me you were poison
That you were a rattlesnake
And yet I always followed the sound of your shake
And your venom was more addicting
than any high I could ever reach
And even though I've cried so many tears for you
Because of you
I will swallow down the ache in my heart
And wait for you to return to me
With the shattered remains of
Words spilled from the broken vodka bottle cradled by your mother
Or with heartbreak embroidered on your sleeve
And I will help you cut down the brambles in the hall
and undo the barbed wire over the door
and show you how to pick a lock so you don't have to reach for
the key dangling just beyond your fingertips
Because let's face it
It's better to learn a skill that can and will get you through many
situations
Than to waste your time on one measly little key
That will unlock one door and lead you to a hall of ten
You have consumed me without even realizing it
A hurricane that's come and gone
And yet the aftermath is everlasting
Because when I'm faced with disaster
I let it carve its name onto my heart in sinful cursive
and rub sea salt and burning embers into exposed,
bloody feelings
and jagged scar tissue.
I can try to disinfect the wounds
and sew myself closed
But none of you EVER LEAVE
I can try to chain my heart up
And lock every ounce of heartbreak and love and attachment and feeling
away
I've spent years trying to lock every feeling away
Because the last one to carve their way in
Left the knife behind when they went away
And the way that they charmed it to keep cutting
Even though they were gone long gone forever gone
Left me so fragile
Left me feeling so small
and weak
and ruined
and violated
That I've tried to never become that vulnerable again
And yet I've taught you how to pick a lock
And you sneaked your way right back in
And started up right where they left off
But god did it feel good.
Yet you're gone again now
After grabbing the blade
and shanking me straight through the heart
Third time's the charm before I let go of siren song
And drown in the gentle push of the aftermath of your storm-risen waves
Just out of reach of oxygen
And too late to give that last kick to the surface.
Apparently it was never worth it.
It was never worth it.
They say you were never worth this much emotion
That I was undeserving of your wrath
and that I should never feel so much for one who hurts me so deeply.
I'm washed up onto oil-painted sands
And my corpse fingers unfold
Stretching towards my chest
And wrapping around the handle of the knife.
They pull the blade out
And thread a new needle
And try to sew the hole shut.
I lay still as oil slicks my back and salty waves push and pull at me
And I try to forget.
I close new locks
Set new combinations
And reinforce clean and sturdy chains
But in the end
I've still got that nasty addiction to
Downing ambrosia laced with poison
And standing on high ledges.

Someday, I like to think. . .
November 8, 2014
12:53 pm
Moderator

Points: 11924
Thanked 228 times
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Wow, lots of great lines in this piece! It's chock full of raw emotion. Nice job :).

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
November 25, 2014
9:55 am
Moderator

Points: 7815
Thanked 179 times
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Bravo @Ritski    ............ Your heart on this page as if it were painted over the Mona Lisa........... I love the way you deftly changed gears yet held such a somber tone throughout.............. This one seethes with pain and retribution of love and is awesome! My favorite line being "The angel hymn to my sinning lullaby." ........... Just so damn clever............

"That you were a rattlesnake
And yet I always followed the sound of your shake
And your venom was more addicting
than any high I could ever reach." Was placed perfectly and I liked the description........... The only line that threw me was "And once my heart hit terminal velocity I knew I was fucked." It made me laugh out loud and my feeling changed right there.............

The ending was right on par and spot on perfect........... Makes me believe that you do indeed have a "nasty addiction to
Downing ambrosia laced with poison
And standing on high ledges."

Write on Ritski........... write on

Semper Fi

Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele

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