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Naked Box
May 30, 2013
9:26 pm

Points: 12046
Thanked 228 times

(Another old piece... one I was very proud of in my early twenties... I was just contemplating reworking it into something more refined and then realized I loved it just too much then to change it now. @Killerelite would be proud :) . )


Take me by the green of my collar

and shake me!

I stand before you– naked and new,

new as Eden,

simple as a cardboard box.

Split me through the middle

if it excites you, I’ve no knowledge

of experience to stop you.

A little to the left? A slice at me heart,

to the right– you’ll only injure my brain


... tears behind my ears,

like an infant I lie

screeching... the baby bird,


with my beak in the air groping for

a pink, fat worm and the comfort

of your wings around me.


Will I learn?

(Just once can I memorize the outcome of my silly doings;

or will I rot and die, the victim of an advanced mind?

This naked box of a being only cries to be heard and recognized.)


Without flaw– you encourage me

armor me,

place a weapon before me,

all meaningless to me, I’ve never gone to war...

So you giggle and taunt me, throw confetti

and dance around me, tear my spirit in two,

separate me from reality, make me live, drink, your vitality.


I’ve nothing left I call my own,

nothing sacred but what you’ve stolen...


An autumn leaf, my glorious green

turns a worldly brown

and with a scolding,

you put me out.



Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
May 31, 2013
11:38 am

Points: 7936
Thanked 179 times

             Proud indeed woman! You are the Juggernaut Elite. Without your preamble " I loved it just too much then to change it now," there may well have been no premise to offer thought beyond what is written. But getting a chance to see inside the mind of a younger, less refined TLhopkinson was enlightening to say the least. I had to split the window and reread some of your present work as a comparison and noticed that you were of a much more simplistic mindset writing this poem. Same outcome as your present work. Impact. But...........less word specific maybe?

           Admittedly knowing that you wrote this nineteen years ago completely took me away from what was written. As far as the poem goes I greatly enjoyed it. But find myself wanting to compare it to your work of late rather than consider the content. I will have to re-visit it when I am not consumed by the timeline. And in that this was so much fun, I hope you'll offer more of your previous poetry if you are of a mind to.

You had quite obviously wrote on TLhopkinson.....................

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Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele
May 31, 2013
11:57 am

Points: 12046
Thanked 228 times

I read my old stuff from time to time so I will keep sharing :) . Glad you enjoyed the comparison. It totally trips me out usually :) .

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

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