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no echo
August 24, 2015
6:41 am
Points: 2607
Thanked 37 times

it can be thought
if not echoed
continue past some point of cohesion
where finally energy-less
is becomes potential
I believe
most likely not again

I've seen visions
sun sets
purple falling from mountaintops
flooding valleys with shadow
autumn wind winding paths thru long yellow grasses
dew in the morning
the fog of breath

an aside:
(I saw her in an orange dress
hanging clothes
and I loved her
for a time)

I have listened to old men whisper
yesterday closer than today
today not so certain as tomorrow

in the light and dark times
I have known them
truth and lie
braving touch
stone, alone

an aside:
(if allowed I claim
the whale's song of sorrow
mine, I understand
though I cannot find the words)

what can it mean
may be the only thing of worth

celebration in the dark
not fireworks but spark
lighting bugs challenging void
brief unknowable life

September 9, 2015
3:53 pm

Points: 5123
Thanked 126 times

Wow, your starting words definitely make an impact for this piece. I enjoy all the subtle rhymes, but I think my favorite tool you are using here is imagery. Each stanza seems to tell its own story quite beautifully. I think it would be hard to choose a favorite! I also like the hints of natural imagery coinciding with other ideas such as energy and voids. Great write! 

My identity can be found in my writing

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