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Pianistic Power
February 15, 2013
6:07 pm
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The keyboard is my piano,

And the words I write my symphony.

Taste the gentle falling of snow,

See the melodies of the birds,

Feel the sashaying trees,

For I am the composer,

The one who brings them to life.

I bring snow to your sight,

Even when your eyes are closed,

I bring the summer sun to your skin,

Even when you forgot its feel,

I bring memories alive within you,

Even after you’ve long forgotten them.

I’m the composer,

For everything I write becomes real,

And everything real becomes written.

I am the balance,

On the edge of two opposites,

Of hate and love,

Of sanity and madness,

Of light and darkness.

I am the composer,

For with my piano I will tear at you,

With high words and low murmurs,

And I will leave you breathless,

For every writer is a composer,

Of everything’s melody.

I'm breaking constantly, continuously and always, it's just that nobody sees it - but I'm fine with that, as long as there's something to fix me, too. ~ Me
February 15, 2013
7:07 pm
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Points: 12088
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I love the play on the senses! Nicely done.

"For everything I write becomes real,

And everything real becomes written."

This is strangely paradoxical when considering some of the theories of Freud and Lacan... who propose that the "Real" only exists outside of language while language itself is purely symbolic... excellent twist.

I think this poem becomes even more interesting if you rearrange it just slightly... begin with "I am the balance" and then move everything above it below it... reads awesome that way too :) .

 

I am the balance,

On the edge of two opposites,

Of hate and love,

Of sanity and madness,

Of light and darkness.

I am the composer,

For with my piano I will tear at you,

With high words and low murmurs,

And I will leave you breathless,

For every writer is a composer,

Of everything’s melody.

The keyboard is my piano, <<you could probably leave this line out>>

And the words I write my symphony. <<and this one>>

Taste the gentle falling of snow,

See the melodies of the birds,

Feel the sashaying trees,

For I am the composer,

The one who brings them to life.

I bring snow to your sight,

Even when your eyes are closed,

I bring the summer sun to your skin,

Even when you forgot its feel,

I bring memories alive within you,

Even after you’ve long forgotten them.

I’m the composer,

For everything I write becomes real,

And everything real becomes written.

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
February 15, 2013
7:08 pm
Moderator

Points: 12088
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Yup, I like this one a lot :) .

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
February 16, 2013
8:14 pm
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Oh, wow! I love this as well! This is just wonderful! It seems like you put a lot of planning and effort into this, but it flows so effortlessly and paints such beautiful pictures! Excellent word choices also, and I love that you gave examples in some lines-for instance about opposite sides-while also giving this almost an airy and superior feel. 

My identity can be found in my writing
February 16, 2013
8:36 pm
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tlhopkinson - Thank you for your advice, but I will leave it just as it is. I still took your advice into account, but I do like my version better :) You put in once a few tips for poetry in the newsletter, and one of the tips was to play around with the senses, to smell snow and feel the trees for example, and I thought it interesting and tried it out. Seems to have worked :P But thank you for your comment & advice either way.

SerenaLantha - Thank you so much! I didn't put a lot of planning into this, it just came randomly and out of nowhere in the middle of the night when I was listenig to uniquelylost's YouTube video on his profile "Winter Walk", and I felt like I just had to post it. I'm very pleased to hear that it is smoothly to read, because I'd worried about that for a while. It makes me happy that it turned out alright :) Thank you for your comment!

 

I'm breaking constantly, continuously and always, it's just that nobody sees it - but I'm fine with that, as long as there's something to fix me, too. ~ Me
February 16, 2013
8:59 pm
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Points: 12088
Thanked 228 times
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Glad one of the writing tips was helpful :) . And as always my advice is always just a suggestion. Great work!

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
February 19, 2013
10:31 pm
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Points: 8907
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Well I have to agree that this is an excellent poem, very cool topic! I really like the senses word play throughout, for some reason I especially find it interesting the way you worded these three lines-

"Taste the gentle falling of snow,
See the melodies of the birds,
Feel the sashaying trees,"

"I am the balance,"

Indeed :)

Happy that song gave you some inspiration, it has done the same for me quite a few times.

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.

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