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Cloud Watching
August 4, 2013
12:48 am
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Clouds slowly passing

There a dog, there a dragon

I am creation

August 4, 2013
8:51 am
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I love the idea of this, and the end line could not be more perfect!

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Inhlxhl
My identity can be found in my writing
August 4, 2013
10:12 pm
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This is very put together well. Captures a momment in time. Something makes me think the first line should read. "Clouds passing slowly"

I don't know why... maybe its has to do with the structure. Then again, maybe not. I'm tired and need to go to bed.

Great job

Forgewright

The following users say thank you to Forgewright for this useful post:

Inhlxhl
I am a man with one distinguishing manner. I view life as a nonstop roll by circus. Whatever my senses signal to my brain, it is received as humor.
August 5, 2013
3:24 am
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I tried saying it, passing slowly, instead of, slowly passing.  It could just be the power of suggestion, but I think "passing slowly" makes the line harder to say, it slows the line down.  "Slowly passing" kinda slides.  So, I think that may be why your suggestion seems more correct, as it kinda makes the clouds pass by more slowly.  How about we change the first line to "lingering clouds show"?

August 7, 2013
10:47 pm
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I like it as is... @Forgewright was just tired LOL

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

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