I love the idea of this, and the end line could not be more perfect!
The following users say thank you to SerenaLantha for this useful post:Inhlxhl
This is very put together well. Captures a momment in time. Something makes me think the first line should read. "Clouds passing slowly"
I don't know why... maybe its has to do with the structure. Then again, maybe not. I'm tired and need to go to bed.
The following users say thank you to Forgewright for this useful post:Inhlxhl
I tried saying it, passing slowly, instead of, slowly passing. It could just be the power of suggestion, but I think "passing slowly" makes the line harder to say, it slows the line down. "Slowly passing" kinda slides. So, I think that may be why your suggestion seems more correct, as it kinda makes the clouds pass by more slowly. How about we change the first line to "lingering clouds show"?
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