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Sleep And Dream - May 6
May 6, 2013
6:37 pm

Points: 4461
Thanked 20 times

The girl settles down,

Under silver strands of light,

And sleeps until dawn.


Morning comes, she wakes,

And greeting yet another day,

She smiles lazily.


And with a hazed mind

She sleeps until the afternoon,

Dreaming of shadows;


But please just dream

In blissful unawareness,

Until the very end.

I'm breaking constantly, continuously and always, it's just that nobody sees it - but I'm fine with that, as long as there's something to fix me, too. ~ Me
May 6, 2013
7:03 pm

Points: 4461
Thanked 20 times

Am I even writing these Haiku's correctly? So far, the poems I've seen of Haiku don't go over one 'paragraph' (I forgot the technical term used in poetry) with two 5 syllable lines and one 7 syllable line. But mine has four such paragraphs and it makes me wonder if perhaps what I'm doing is wrong, since Haiku is 'the art of few words', or something like that, no? Does that mean that my poem is incorrectly written?! O.O Waaaaaaaaah!!!! I don't want to disrespect the old Japanese folk by writing Haiku incorrectly!

Oh yeah, my sincere thanks to uniquely lost for his poem Night Whispers since it gave me an idea of what to write about, so thanks Jesse :D My thanks also goes to Kobayashi Nobuyuki (Issa), because his poems also gave me an idea how I can write Haiku.

My brain is striking and uncooperative. It's a nuisance. A drag. A bloody arsehole, as the English would say. It won't give me ideas and it bloody determined to not let me sit down and do my homework. Really, I've already been in detention last week because of not doing my homework, I don't want to repeat that! WHY?! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DO MY HOMEWORK?! I KNOW YOU HATE ME BUT DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON OUR ACHIEVEMENTS!!! *cries in a corner, hugging my laptop and muttering about homework and poetry and writinganddetentionandohmyfuckingGodIhavesomuchtodoand--!

(Um, hey. Yeah, this is awkward. I'm Hesitance of the Common Sense Department, and I've come to inform you that you're connection to this serves has broken of because of a... shut down. Yeah, because of a shut down. Um, on behalf of the Apologies and Gratitude Department, are terribly sorry for any inconvenience caused and we thank you most politely for reading the poem and--

Oh God, Hesitance, don't hesitate so much and get fucking on with it!

Haste! Give me back the phone! I'm not finished yet and this is important! This has to be handled carefully--

Blah, blah, blah. You're so boring Hesitance! Man up a little! Yo, this is Haste from the Instinct Department. Since Felicity just had a major OTT meltdown, we have to inform you guys that she ain't gonna be available until like.... Uh, when's she gonna be available?

We don't know yet, now give me back the phone!

....She ain't gonna be available for an undetermined amount o' time. Anyway--



...And you are?


Really? I've never seen you there.


...Uh-huh, that's-- HEY! Hesitance get back here and give me the phone! I ain't finished yet!

On behalf of Felicity and Felicity's Brain I'm terribly sorry for theirbehaviourandfortheirmannerismsandrudenessan-- NO! LET GO, IT'S MINE!! -- FELICITY WILL CONTACT YOU ALL LATER, HAVE A GOOD DAY! NOW **** OFF HASTE!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-- This server is no longer available, please try again later.)

I'm breaking constantly, continuously and always, it's just that nobody sees it - but I'm fine with that, as long as there's something to fix me, too. ~ Me
May 8, 2013
8:33 pm

Points: 12087
Thanked 228 times

Love the silver strands line :) .

Modern haiku are foten tweaked in one way or another, there's even a genre for "incorrect" haiku... can't remember what its called right now. Lots of the haiku I have seen published lately come in series.

Traditional haiku are one stanza and include a theme of the seasons or nature.

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
May 8, 2013
9:17 pm
Points: 2514
Thanked 2 times

My Problem, I'm working on a haiku. I'm having no problem with the first and third line being five syllables but the seven syllable second line is extremely elusive. I have reworded it several different ways and only get six syllables.

Why reach for the stars when you can reach for a book and have the stars, the sun and the moon.
May 8, 2013
11:29 pm

Points: 8907
Thanked 41 times

The opening three lines are amazing! yep. The opening and closing parts are my favorite but I liked the picture the whole haiku painted and the meaning weaved within :) .

"A bloody arsehole"

I see your environment is rubbing off on you laugh2.

And I never thought of how departmentalized people brain's really are until I heard you speak of such things... it is true how certain departments take over sometimes! And you @Night_Sky_Of_Feelings  are quite the character if I must say so myself :) . How does that saying go.... "characters welcome!". I think you've found a new skills (prose, non-fiction) in your rants. I'm really overtired tonight so hopefully this is coherent..... yep.

@luv2rite  I have been there many times!!

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.
May 11, 2013
9:14 pm

Points: 4461
Thanked 20 times

First of all, I can't believe how big the response to this poem was. I was like "O.O Is that my poem they're posting on?! Can't be possible, can it?! O.o WTF brain-meltdown". Although the most bizarre thing was that I've dreamt about having a lot of comments on a poem before seeing this... scary. Although it could have been me sleeptyping and looking to see if I had any comments since the laptop was next to me when I fell asleep... Actually, that would make a lot of sense, but actually, not really... I don't really know, either option would explain it, so I don't really care.

@tlhopkinson Yeah, I've researched haiku a bit before I've started writing this piece, but it never said that it just had to be one stanza, just that it was traditionally so, and although I am a great stickler to (reasonable) traditions, I am not the kind of poetess who just writes one stanza and that's it... My poems sort of have to be like a book with an inviting start and end with a satisfactory, or nail-biting (I love either way), ending, so I couldn't just leave it at one stanza. (PS, I like that line too, I thought it would sound nice smile)

@luv2rite I've had that problem a few times, although I quite enjoyed that bit because it made me pause and re-think, looking at the sentence I'm trying to write in another light. Just keep trying, it'll work out in the end!

@uniquelylost  Thanks... I tried to present my dream in that poem, to be able to sleep peacefully to my heart's (or rather, brain's) content. And BTW, my poem had a meaning?! I dunno, since I wrote it when I was only semi-coherent like when you posted that reply :P

I dunno about the environment bit, but I'll admit that England is slowly influencing me, although I wouldn't say the word bloody in a British accent even if you tortured me. It's just... no. Just no :P The image of that is only making me laugh.

I loved the rants I did over these last few days; I sort of feel like I have split personalities almost, or as if I was writing a short story. It's fun to give the different 'characters' in my head a certain individuality without using any sort of explanation of their visual features (since they have none). Besides, I got someone to blame if I'm swearing too much. Imagine if I'd say that to the teacher... thay'd all have a field day, "I'm sorry miss, but I couldn't do the homework because  Stubbornness decided to, and I quote, 'screw it' because Brain thought the homework you set was pointless and idiotic...... WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A DETENTION?! IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT'S MY FUCKING BRAIN! ....Yes, miss, I know I shouldn't swear, but if you make me angry my Swearwords and Rudeness Department will automatically take control..... Miss, why are you calling 911? .....No, miss, I have not hit my head. Why are you asking me these kind of questions? Miss? Miss?! Miss, why do these guys have a white jacket with them?! MISS?!"

Yup, I'm definitely sleep-deprived. LOL.

I'm breaking constantly, continuously and always, it's just that nobody sees it - but I'm fine with that, as long as there's something to fix me, too. ~ Me

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