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In some ways..
November 15, 2012
12:17 am
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Some shine in the day
others glow in the dark.
Life is dealt and spilt-
flowers grow and wilt,
the earth spins on a tilt.
Blue prints in one hand
phone in the other
many move about
some build, others break
I see their faces.
Some are lost-
searching for their place.
Some smile, I smile back.
Others stare, I don't care.
I sit and watch as they pass by-
my glass half full today-
I hope they all find their way.
We are free to see all there is to see
life is what you believe-
your interpretation of what it means.
Some things will change,
others will stand the test of time.
You will always be a part of me,
because in some ways we're all the same.

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.
November 15, 2012
11:31 am
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I absolutely LOVE the way this flows. It was like the sensation of sweet candy flowing off of my tongue. Wonderfully written.

“The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”~Anon
November 15, 2012
10:50 pm
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The first third of the poem is incredible... you lost me a bit after that, but everyone should know by now that I am keen on conciseness... I say keep these for those of us who like fewer words with big meaning:

 

Some shine in the day
others glow in the dark.
Life is dealt and spilt-
flowers grow and wilt,
the earth spins on a tilt.
Blue prints in one hand
phone in the other
many move about
some build, others break

 

Nice stuff :)

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
November 16, 2012
12:21 am
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Points: 8546
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Thanks for the comments!

KC, I like seeing how much I can get on/off rhyme schemes to flow so I'm happy it came across that way :)

tl, I sat and watched as people passed by me in the city the day I wrote this, I wrote it in pretty quick and didn't revise that's why its not real refined, think I may have used a few lines from other stuff I wrote before but I'm not sure, these were just the thoughts that flowed through me. I do agree the top came out really good though, seems a lot of my writing has been coming out that way lately, revised I would prob end it with "I see their faces..." :)

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.
November 21, 2012
1:51 pm
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Thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem! smile3

November 21, 2012
11:40 pm
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The way a piece is written(format) can give an extra meaning to the reader. Busy, crowded street, no room to start or finish. Just enough room to get in bits and pieces before they are gone and the next person comes along/. I think I saw someone give the finger... not sure about that. At least you can still get a smile. Different lines for different attitudes I guess.

 

Forgewright

I am a man with one distinguishing manner. I view life as a nonstop roll by circus. Whatever my senses signal to my brain, it is received as humor.
November 22, 2012
12:46 am
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forge happy it has that vibe of different attitudes, everything's so quick in a city environment, it is hard to capture cause like what you said you can only grab bits and pieces of observations, interactions, and add a few reflections. I tried to keep this poem a bit broad but next time I will try to see how a poem comes out if I focus in on particular people more :)

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.

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