A A A

Register | Lost password?
Among Light (An erasure poem from “Sun stone” by Octavio Paz)
September 12, 2014
11:41 pm
Moderator

Points: 11711
Thanked 228 times
1
0

a wind dances, turning, curving, arriving forever:

a star behind eyelids, a presence,

a bright hallucination,

a journey.

 

a bird singing

among disappearing light,

like the wind suspended, the body

of light, thighs of light, belly of light,

the cloud-colored body glitters visible and transparent

a journey of light, of mysteries.

 

you are the light divided,

the naked moon.

 

i imagining your dream,

your fingers, your mouth, your waist, your forehead.

my spirit is fragments, bodiless, searching.

 

you, a star, divides

 

the valley of vertigo,

the lightning flash of life

and death, body and self, scattered

dust and seeds of immortality.

 

i am the living night

transformed, the nameless

face that never dreams, imprisoned

by decay, my eyelids rooted from sleep.

 

the wind dances, turning, curving, arriving forever

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
September 13, 2014
7:24 am
Moderator

Points: 7595
Thanked 178 times
2
0

Bravo Queen.............. It's not only amazing that you find such amazing poems to write about........... But you write an equally amazing poem.......... This one had a fantastic beginning.... And a fantastic ending............ Thought written with the same words offered two entirely different meanings and was a magnificent way to begin and end this poem. Clever as always............ I loved the last two stanzas........ and just an awesome line .....

"I am the living night

transformed, the nameless

face that never dreams"

Write on @tlhopkinson ................

Semper Fi

Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele
September 13, 2014
11:08 am
Moderator

Points: 11711
Thanked 228 times
3
0

Paz was amazing... definitely gave me a lot to work with for this piece. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! It was a great pleasure to write. I think that's what I love so much about found poetry... it really provides a new insight into the work and a closeness I don't experience when I read and otherwise try to consume poetry or other texts. You should try it ;-).

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
September 14, 2014
10:34 am
Moderator

Points: 8144
Thanked 153 times
4
0

Wait a minute... hold on. Is this a found poem from an erasure poem?

A poem with each line being erased.

As in, smaller and smaller.

Till it's gone?

What?

I am a man with one distinguishing manner. I view life as a nonstop roll by circus. Whatever my senses signal to my brain, it is received as humor.
September 16, 2014
2:42 pm
Moderator

Points: 11711
Thanked 228 times
5
0

Not completely gone... obviously ;-)

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
January 19, 2015
10:53 am
Moderator

Points: 4743
Thanked 126 times
6
0

@tlhopkinson Wow, this one really stunned me with all the vivid word choices. I almost turned the rest of the world off since this poem needed my complete attention. I love the back-and-forth themes of earthly/celestial nature with the descriptions of the human body. Adding the personal speaker also seems insightful. 

The following users say thank you to SerenaLantha for this useful post:

tlhopkinson
My identity can be found in my writing

Most Users Online: 144

Currently Online:
11 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

c4a1g: 611

craigb12: 509

DivRem: 303

luv2rite: 260

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 8

Members: 2092

Moderators: 7

Admins: 1

Writing Stats:

Groups: 5

Forums: 53

Topics: 3422

Posts: 13281