A A A

Register | Lost password?
geese fly past
May 19, 2014
12:10 pm
Writer
Points: 1759
Thanked 20 times
1
0
geese fly past
one following one
sand falling
I run away
tomorrow dreams death
May 19, 2014
6:09 pm
Calligrapher

Points: 4271
Thanked 105 times
2
0

laughliked the first three lines then lost last two lines,aziz your a deep person ha ha forgive me explain if u may

May 20, 2014
3:32 pm
Writer
Points: 1759
Thanked 20 times
3
0

Thanks for the interest.

This is the first tanka I wrote dropping the 57577 structure, but trying to keep its spirit.  This explanation will be a lot longer than the poem, but I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.  The tanka, I believe, is one poem with two thoughts.  One thought is the observance of natural phenomena and the other an observance of internal feeling or thought.  Keeping that in mind let's look at the first line:

geese fly past.  The 'clue' word is past.  So geese are being observed, but they are symbolic of thoughts or memories of the past. (I'll leave most of my internal workings out of this message, i.e. why not winter geese, why fly and not flying) 

one following one.  The geese follow each other, the way memories lead other memories.

sand falling.  The sand is falling in an hour glass, representing the passage of time.

That's all there is to the observation.  Someone is thinking about his past and how time passes.

sand falling

I run away.  These two lines are joined in how 'I run away' is described by 'sand falling'.  I'm attempting to describe how what you thought you'd become, is not what you are presently.  Most of us start out thinking that we are going to change the world, only to find that we have to make compromises with reality.  The longer we live, the more compromises we make.  We are like a statue of sand that wears away day by day.

tomorrow dreams death.  Here tomorrow is not a personification, something that dreams.  Here tomorrow is a location where dreams die.  I am restating that the longer we live, the more the youthful dreams of what we were to become end.

The internal observation is that I am not what I thought I'd be.

Taken together the whole poem is about how time changes us.  I hope the poem would lead one to questions like 'must we change our dreams', 'am I currently living a better life than I thought', and others.

I hope I wasn't too long winded. 

The following users say thank you to aziz for this useful post:

craigb12
May 20, 2014
5:22 pm
Calligrapher

Points: 4271
Thanked 105 times
4
0

No thank you for taking time to explain this piece very well thought out poem like i say so many times on here im not really i poet and especially a deep poet such has urself but do get intregued to what makes people. Write the way they do, love learning different things thank you again

May 21, 2014
3:05 pm
Writer
Points: 1759
Thanked 20 times
5
0

I believe that a poet is someone who can see or feel something and write it so that others can see or feel that thing.  The subject doesn't have to touch on universal themes, or boldly go where no one has gone.  I'm submitting a poem that revolves around a slice of pie.  It will be titled "WCW Explained".  I hope you will read and enjoy it. 

The following users say thank you to aziz for this useful post:

Jamboree

Most Users Online: 144

Currently Online:
14 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

c4a1g: 611

craigb12: 509

DivRem: 303

luv2rite: 260

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 8

Members: 5336

Moderators: 7

Admins: 1

Writing Stats:

Groups: 5

Forums: 53

Topics: 3513

Posts: 13379