A A A

Register | Lost password?
Midnight
April 10, 2013
10:08 pm
Moderator

Points: 8474
Thanked 41 times
1
0

Overcrowded by distortion

Endless pictures and voices

Inked thoughts take me away

Today, they said "your going to go far..."

Yet- traveling requires transportation

So I loop through modems and teleport.

Will I succeed? Who knows...

Notes written in invisible ink don't read.

Prisms refract and divide spectrum's

Still time marches on... a railed train.

As midnight strikes-

Click, clack. Fwiiiiiing ping bing.. BONGGGG

Two-dimensional silhouettes appear

The ghosts of the light catch flight.

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.
April 10, 2013
10:21 pm
Moderator

Points: 11654
Thanked 228 times
2
0

Awesome imagery and sounds and well, this is excellent and I love that I can tell you wrote it, completely UL style. Quick question... is the first word "Overcrowed" or "Overcrowded"? I think it's a lovely mistake as far as creating a word for maybe another piece? Just guessing you meant "Overcrowded" based on the theme of the poem. Which, btw, also has kickass a kickass time/train metaphor!

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
April 10, 2013
11:03 pm
Moderator

Points: 8474
Thanked 41 times
3
0

Thank you :) . And yes it 'twas  a typo. I've been typing without spell check on my comp for quite some time now and always forget to check it here before I post so it happens from time to time lol. The "Click, clack. Fwiiiiiing ping bing.. BONGGGG" was probably the best sound description I've ever written :)

Perfection; my greatest strength and weakness.
April 10, 2013
11:05 pm
Moderator

Points: 11654
Thanked 228 times
4
0

Agreed... it was perfect.

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
April 10, 2013
11:06 pm
Moderator

Points: 11654
Thanked 228 times
5
0

I still think you should write a poem with the word "overcrowed" in it :) . If you don't, I might steal it!

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
April 11, 2013
7:24 pm
Moderator

Points: 8087
Thanked 153 times
6
0

tlhopkinson said 
Which, btw, also has kickass a kickass time/train metaphor!

This was a cool slip too. It was like a time loop or hiccup.

 

Forgewright

 

I am a man with one distinguishing manner. I view life as a nonstop roll by circus. Whatever my senses signal to my brain, it is received as humor.
April 11, 2013
7:25 pm
Moderator

Points: 8087
Thanked 153 times
7
0

Dang it! One of these days I'll figure out the quote button.....

I am a man with one distinguishing manner. I view life as a nonstop roll by circus. Whatever my senses signal to my brain, it is received as humor.
April 11, 2013
8:38 pm
Writer

Points: 1434
Thanked 5 times
8
0

This was an awesome poem! The sounds were so fun and I could almost hear them in my head. 

“The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”~Anon
April 12, 2013
5:00 pm
Moderator

Points: 7538
Thanked 178 times
9
0

Bravo Ulost. For one whom makes claim not to be able to write sounds of a distinct nature, you did a fantastic job here. 'The ghosts of light catch flight' is a most tailored ending.This makes for a very clever poem, one that makes me ask how far you went looping through modems. A visualization easily grasped after reading the first lines.

Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele

Most Users Online: 144

Currently Online:
15 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

c4a1g: 610

craigb12: 509

DivRem: 303

luv2rite: 260

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 8

Members: 2038

Moderators: 7

Admins: 1

Writing Stats:

Groups: 5

Forums: 53

Topics: 3418

Posts: 13270