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Chapter 1 Mars-127
March 28, 2014
9:45 pm
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'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
March 28, 2014
9:53 pm
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This is the first draft of the first chapter of my story.

The ***** parts at the beginning are to be filled with some complex mathematical equation/theory that I am yet to research.

You guys are the first people that I have shared this with and so I would like some heavy critique and honest opinions on this if you have the time. This book will take a lot of my time and I need to know if any of it is any good so that I can keep working on it with the aim of one day getting it published. 

If I am going off the beaten track and writing garbage then I need to know so that I can go back to the drawing board and rethink how I write it.

One thing I have no experience at is how to edit a large piece so any advice would be great.

Many thanks,

Jam

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
March 29, 2014
2:59 pm
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@Jamboree I don't have time right at the moment, but I do promise to come back to it soon and give you some constructive feedback... @tlhopkinson reminder to come do just that!

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
April 14, 2014
10:29 am
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Just bumping this.

 

Any comment (not matter how small) would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry to pester,

Jam

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
April 14, 2014
2:32 pm
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Jamboree love the style, little tweeking here and there and maybe a little bit more clearer on surroundings, atmosphere that sort of thing, thought Stark was quite a scary man, well interpreted he reminds me of a teacher I had at school where they could manhandle you back then,many a time got a clip round the earlogs for being cheeky haha

But enjoyed  welldone smile

April 14, 2014
5:48 pm
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@craigb12  When you say surroundings do you mean setting the scene? Describing the classroom and place more/better?

 

Thanks for the help! laughlaugh

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
April 14, 2014
6:20 pm
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I do my friend, we all do it, I do it too so don't worry to much, but an outlay of feeling will help the reader.

I do it to when I got emotions going on about a certain dialogue or mood I forget the scene sometimes

but I did like what you was bringing to me just sometimes got little confused in situations even tho I knew what you was building here.

mr stark is a great character here strong and unpredictable has mars sort of knows this but at same time is pushing him to his own limits.

April 14, 2014
6:43 pm
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Thanks for the help. I'll edit it again with this in mind and post it back up here sometime over the next week or so.

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
April 15, 2014
5:36 pm
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i love where your going with this really ,i think you may be on to something here ive seen alot of movies about kids with wizardry and game of thrones but not like this keep at it its different matey !

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Jamboree
April 15, 2014
6:54 pm
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Don't worry, I don't intend to give up on this at all.

Not sure whether I am on to something, I'd just be thrilled to have it published. Thanks for the help though.

 

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton
May 6, 2014
6:02 pm
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u are if u think about it watch the film westworld ur taking this to another level if u really think it out Jamboree said
Don't worry, I don't intend to give up on this at all.

Not sure whether I am on to something, I'd just be thrilled to have it published. Thanks for the help though.

 

 

May 10, 2014
12:43 pm
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Ok I'll watch it. Hopefully it will add some ideas to the book.

'Books aren't written, they're rewritten. Including your own. It is one of the hardest things to accept, especially after the seventh rewrite hasn't quite done it... Michael Crichton

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