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Prima Facie
July 16, 2014
11:04 pm
Moderator

Points: 11726
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Huddled in the corner

where only a creak of light

cast a thin line ’cross his back.

Belief’s blackness pressed into his sympathy

like a fire-heated symbol meant for permanence,

meant for slavery.

Ears marked with indoctrination

and freedom castrated by abstinence,

his hands ached for resolution, for reason,

for something to clean the char

from beneath his fingernails.

His voice strained with the rasp

of each unanswered question

and his teeth bent with the burden

as his tongue tore away at vision.

He saw the brand waiting in the flame.

He saw the labels that it made.

It took him years to leave his religion.

 

Trying to decide what the hell to do with this one... I dunno if I like it or think its a waste of time... comments? questions? ideas? 

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
July 17, 2014
2:49 pm
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Points: 7610
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What! "Trying to decide what the hell to do with this one... I dunno if I like it or think it's a waste of time... comments? Questions? Ideas?

Well here's a comment............... You are so FIRED as Queen! Your indecisiveness prompts it. Can't have a wishy washy Queen now can we?

Here's a question.....................   What the hell's the matter with you? Awesome poem..... Hello? Ding ding ding............ Anyone home in Trish's head?

Here's an idea.........................   Stick it straight............. umm well I won't go there but come on........... I thought you were growing apricots not weedinpots.............

Sheesh........... Did Eastoverbalogney Utah have an earthquake I failed to hear about? I know..... you've bumped your head and now believe yourself to be Dorothy and your shoes aren't working properly...............

Dr. KE's cure for @tlhopkinson - Sit and stare at the poem while touching the connectors of a new 9volt battery to your tongue until you like it. If this seems to take too long rush out to your local market and purchase every last jar of orange marmalade and proceed to the nearest bee farm. Smear all the orange marmalade in equal parts over the entirety of your nude body and walk through the farm and bang on each hive to alert the bees of your presence. If you are still unsatisfied with your poem please call Killer's Home for the Mentally Defunct and promptly begin registration..........................

Semper Fi

Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele
July 18, 2014
5:08 pm
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Points: 11726
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Off with his head! Traitor! Sheesh, and here I was thinking you would be my humble advisor... a Merlin of sorts. 

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
July 20, 2014
7:27 pm
Moderator

Points: 7610
Thanked 178 times
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Humble advisor huh? It seems as though I'm just a pawn under your wicked rule........... What happened to Jester? Poetry tester position whatever too that you so rudely created? .................. And you wonder why the rebellion. Hmmf............ And "off with his head." How original............ How many times have I heard that already during your short tenure? I've never really been fond of the whole loss of the head thing. So how about something like being drawn and quartered? Oh well it won't be hard to find me anyway............... I wasn't busy enough so I took on another project. I have an uncle that had a 72 Ford Galaxie 500 that had been sitting in his garage after he put a few bruises on it for lack of being able to see any more........... My son has been wanting to restore an older car so I bought it and have begun a restoration............. Anyway just have your guard seek me out in my garage............. I'll probably be spending evenings there for about the next year..............

Semper Fi

Oh and BTW Queen Dip Doo the above writing is a really fine poem ............. So you can stop with the whole "What to do?" bit............... Seems you posted something else on here that you seek advice about............... There's a cumulus cloud full of vino headed your way......... Just walk outside when it arrives...... look to the heavens and say aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... And congrats for getting published. As hard as you work and as good as you write it's well deserved.

Those individuals who deem themselves perfect barely scratch an elbow in their fall from grace. Wm Steele
July 20, 2014
8:40 pm
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Points: 11726
Thanked 228 times
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OK, OK, I'll try to be more creative with my insults? At any rate, thank you for the comments. The restoration project sounds like a lot of work, but also some fun and a good way to escape day to day drudgery. We will be spending the rest of our evening picking the million apricots weighing down the tree in our backyard. It's rained a bit, lovely out now. I'm still not sure about this poem, but maybe I'll spend a little more time with it before I decide whether or not I like it :). 

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
July 21, 2014
8:16 am
Calligrapher

Points: 4078
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well written and worthy of larger audience expression was captivating from beginning to end, good job

laugh

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